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A year of many changes
A lot has happened to me over the last, where should I start. Maybe I should start at the beginning, or simply the most interesting part. It is never easy to know where a story should start because a story can go in so many different ways, just as a life can. I guess I will start this little chapter of my life where many stories start, at the point earliest in time as understood by simple understanding of time flow.

Last year I faced many hurtles. I left Umass Dartmouth for a campus closer to home, Umass Boston. There I took three courses over the course of the year, Political Science, Psychology and English. The Poli/Sci course I took made me realize that in the end, no I did care enough to pursue it further and I have henceforth given up on Poli/Sci as a potential major. That was in the fall. In the winter/spring semester I took English again and Psychology. I made a friend in Psychology but soon I realized that life at college, no mater how great the students are, it just was not the place for me. I have since given up on college education as of right now.

As the story would continue, on the last day of my Psychology class I decided to stay home. In the end I feel that was for the best. Allow me to explain.

I was lying on the couch in the living room when, early that monday morning, when my mother waked through the front door, stunned I was not as school. I explained that there was no reason for me to be at school since I had taken that final the friday before. My mother did not argue, she was not feeling well and having me around meant she would not need to get out bed if she needed something. For the following several days my mother was in and out of work, suffering from seemed like a stomach bug. Over time her condition did not change much, until friday evening when she could barely get out bed. My father and I asked her if we she should take her to the hospital, but she said no, she was just a little sick and would get better quickly. She never got better.

The monday after Mother's day I was home with mom, just me and her, dad was out of town. Mom was feeling weak and sick. I finally told that we needed to get her the hospital. I called dad and told him the plan, I then called 911, because I could not drive. As I was unlocking the front door for the EMTs to get my mother and getting off the phone with the 911 dispatcher I returned to my mother. She was not responsive. I called 911 back and told then that, then started CPR as instructed by the dispatcher. I went through two and half rounds of CPR before the EMTs showed up. Once they sent me out of my mother's bedroom I called my boyfriend and collapsed in the kitchen, shrieking and cry in shook and pain. When Y-kun finally showed up I was still on the kitchen floor and he and and EMT personel had to take me outside. After that it becomes a mess of confusion. I was in my pajamas all day. The EMTs asked me and Y-kun questions about my mother's health that I could only vaguely answer. By the time we left for the hospital I was numb inside. My father drove back up and my aunt and uncle sat with me as we waited for my mother to be placed in a room. 

The following week was a hell of up and down. The doctors were so hopeful in the beginning but as time passed it became clear to them that things were not going good. 

On that Wednesday I went for walk after talking with the doctors. I was numb all over, unsure what to feel. At that time Y-kun and my father were talking. During my walk I texted Y-kun and told him the date for which I wanted us to be married. When I returned from my walk around the hospital Y-kun was gone, dad said he had gone home to get food and whatnot, I don't even remember. A few hours later he returned. Taking me aside he spoke to me calmly, then took me into my mother's hospital room. The words I do not remember but he asked me on bended knee at the foot of my mother's hospital bed if I would marry him. I said yes. We cried and yelled at my mother to wake up. She never awoke.

I later found out that while I had been walking my father and Y-kun had been talking about the wedding that should have been and the reasons it had not happened yet and Y-kun asked my father formally if he could marry me. Their had apparently been much crying that the text I sent about a wedding date had not helped to stop.

Friday, my mother passed away, only a couple of hours before Shabbat. It was painful for us, but for all we know she had been gone for days by this point. She most likely did not feel a thing. 

The loss was painful. On Sunday the funeral happened, my father, uncle, Rabbi, the Bostoner Rebbe, and myself all spoke. Everyone says I spoke most eloquently. My mother was buried in western Massachusetts, in the same graveyard as her parents. 

After that things began to change. It was shortly before a major Jewish Holiday and there was much to prepare for. My father and I learned to cope with the loss and life began anew for us. Y-kun now lives in the room that was once my father's office. We now own a cat that we named Life. While our world has shifted for a different path than anyone ever expected we still push on. The world is forever changing and we have learned to change with it. 

A somber tale I suppose, but no less true, soon I hope to share with all of you, my readers the joyce tale of my wedding and life with my new husband, the man known to you as Y-kun.

Till then, or maybe sooner, good night


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